


Everything You Are and Cannot Be

by Sandrene09



Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst, F/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 19:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2823008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandrene09/pseuds/Sandrene09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What is the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?” “One is a choice, and one is not.” –Tarryn Fisher</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything You Are and Cannot Be

**Author's Note:**

> A repost of my fic which can be found at my tumblr and lj.

From the very beginning, there had never been any choice for him to make. That was something Anthony felt like he needed to make clear.

He met Ian in Science class, courtesy of their teacher who made them work together. He hadn’t been able to refuse, so he just nodded his head and went with the flow. It would turn out to be one of the best things he did in his life, but he didn’t know that yet back then, so it was with a heavy heart and a sense of dread that he worked on the project with the new kid.

He had fun, yes, but they didn’t really become friends immediately after. Instead, they were acquaintances who occasionally said hello to one another when they passed each other in the hallways.

If Anthony believed in such a thing like _destiny_ or _fate_ like Kalel did, he would have called it that. It seemed like the world had pulled a lot of strings just so he and Ian would meet, after all—not even Ian had a choice, because it was his parents who decided to move towns.

There was never any choice for him to make.

It was different with Kalel, of course. It seemed like everything regarding her was a choice he had to think over. He decided to go to a party, all those years ago, after all. He was the one who decided to buy her a drink, was the one who decided to continue some kind of friendship with her through conversations on the internet.

It didn’t feel forced, of course—if it did, he would have stopped immediately—it was just that at the time, he hadn’t known just how much power his decisions would eventually have over him.

Of course, there were also choices he had to make with Ian—that was inescapable. Back then, however, his decisions didn’t _feel_ like decisions, only that they felt like the most practical things to do—felt like they were the _right_ things to do. Letting Ian bum rides off him was the right thing to do, after all, and it made sense that they chose to live together in a house they both owned after they left their parents’ homes since they worked together anyway.

He knew it wasn’t a good thing, comparing Kalel to Ian, but he couldn’t quite help himself. Here, standing at the altar as he watched the parade of Kalel’s bridesmaids walk down the aisle, it seemed only right to think about the beginning. After all, that was what grooms did, wasn’t it? Think about how they met their fiancées? Think about the many events that brought them to that moment in time, a few minutes away from saying “I do”?

He met Kalel in a party he randomly decided to go to. Kalel called it _fate_ , because she believed in it. For a time, Anthony believed her—he was happy then, standing at Kalel’s side, grinning at the fact that he had managed to make a girl as beautiful as her to be interested in him—but now, what Kalel thought to be _destiny_ , Anthony knew to be a _choice_.

Back then, he had been unwilling to believe that he had met someone like _Kalel_ , someone who he felt was out of his league. She was, for a time, _everything_. _For a time_ , because gradually, Anthony started to realize that Ian was…something. It didn’t make sense to him, and Anthony spent most of his days in confusion. After all, Ian had been his best friend for so many years—how was he only realizing this about him _then_?

How could _something_ be outside of _everything_?

Kalel was already perfect, and yet Anthony was starting to find her lacking. He saw her faults more and more each day, slowly, despite not looking for them. It was one of the few things he had not decided to do concerning Kalel.

And Ian…Ian was _something_. Anthony started to realize that he smiled and laughed more in his best friend’s presence than in his girlfriend’s, started to realize that he looked forward to spending time with him more than to spending time with Kalel. It seemed that he was falling for the friend he could always count on—another thing he did not choose to happen.

How could something be outside of everything? Well.

Just because Kalel was _everything_ —just because she was perfect—didn’t mean she was Anthony’s everything, or that she was perfect _for_ Anthony. Ian’s being _something_ could exist outside of Kalel’s being _everything_ , because Ian was _something_ to Anthony.

This was a realization he only had when it was too late.

It was impractical for Anthony to move to Los Angeles when shooting was often done in Sacramento, yet he made the choice anyway. He packed his bags and moved, choosing to be nearer to Kalel, only to be informed a few months later that Kalel would like them to live apart. While he did not decide for that to happen—he could only agree with her, after all—he _did_ decide to remain in Los Angeles when every single part of him screamed at him to go back to Sacramento. And while it wasn’t the wisest thing to do, given their busy schedules, he found himself agreeing with Kalel’s suggestion for them to make vlogs, instead of telling her what he really felt on the matter.

He was the one who _chose_ to look for engagement rings, was the one who _chose_ to bring Kalel to Japan. He was the one who decided to propose despite the feeling in his gut screaming _wrong, wrong, wrong_.

Anthony had to believe that, despite not believing in things like _fate_ or destiny, the universe had done all it could to make him and Ian meet. Anthony didn’t pick what would happen, and yet things went along as smoothly as things could get. He didn’t pick to be partners with Ian that day—that was thanks to his teacher. He didn’t choose to get a car he could barely afford—it was his grandmother dying that made him buy what would eventually be the catalyst of his friendship with Ian.

He had not chosen to fall in love with Ian, and yet it had happened anyway.

Anthony’s relationship with Kalel had been filled with so many decisions. As he stood at the altar, looking at Kalel in her expensive bridal gown walk down the aisle, he was finally forced to admit to himself that he had chosen wrong—that he had made all the wrong decisions.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Smosh. I don’t make money from this.


End file.
